Clarity

I've been on very unsure ground lately and regaining my footing unstabilizes things more and more. So I've been letting things flow and I'm realizing some of my delusions. I'm not who I thought I was to most people in my life. I've found myself meaning less to people who mean a lot to me and a lot to people who mean little to me. Some adjustments need to be made. There are people at my door waiting, with open arms to be let in. Then there are people I love and care for unconditionally who keep me no closer than arms length. I can't tell if it's because of the way I love that the ones I love aren't letting me in. Or if I really do just need to learn to love the right people. Either way, things are breaking apart and coming back together. Where people end up in my heart is up to them and I need to let my friendships place themselves instead of trying to control everything. So far, that's all I've got. It's a work in progress. =]

Square One

I can hardly begin to describe how overwhelmed I am right now. If I were to say everything is going wrong I'd be lying. But I can't exactly say things are going well either. Things just Are. I'm without a home now. Spending a few weeks with my parents. I'm single again. And I may be forced to leave my job. All my friendships are teetering on the edge and me, myself feels torn in a thousand different directions. Does it bother me? No, not exactly. I can see good and bad ways for all of this to work out. The problem is it's all happening at once and making this many decisions is driving me crazy. On the plus side I can go anywhere from here. There's this freedom I'm being forced to face that has never been there before. So when all is said and done. Square one is a great place to start.