I don't care how cheesy this is.

We never thought we'd become so close. We didn't even really try to be friends. We both needed someone to motivate the other to go to the gym. One Sunday morning we decided to give it a try. A few weeks later we began getting food after the gym. After that we decided to hang out and continue the conversations we had started at Planet Fitness or over Thai food. Soon enough she was the friend I told everything to. The friend I could sit chatting with for hours at a time. Out of nowhere I had found me a great additive to my circle of best friends. And over the summer, Laci grew closer to me than anyone else. And she's gone now... And I miss her terribly.

We could have the best time doing the stupidest shit.

Everything was funnier and stranger.

And then that crazy little friend of mine left. 

I am so happy for you Laci. So glad you found a good man and got out of this horrible state. I'm so inspired by your courage, strength and ability to love. But damn, I miss you so much. Don't forget how much you mean to me and how grateful I am that we became friends! Love you always <3

A List

Things there aren't enough of:

Zebras Good long nights of sleep Ventriloquists Heroes Cashiers at Fred Meyers Radio stations that only play my favorite song on repeat forever Rainy days in Alaska Beaches in Alaska Coupons Compliments Sweet dreams Roller coasters Women leaders Fuel efficient vehicles Happy marriages Collage scholarships Reggae bands Non permanent hair dye colors Bubbles... ever Good old fashioned Disney movies Colors of eyes Flying cars Cheering crowds Healthy things that taste good Leopards Dragons Dr. Seuss Books Really old (but clean [duh]) Tupperware Chips with the perfect amount of cheese on them in your plate of nachos Real-bearded Santas Freckles Flavors of jell-o Good paying and easy jobs Tea... In my cup. Right now Redheads Acceptance letters to Hogwarts Seasons of "Fame" Seasons of love Hours in a day Really, really tall people Time machines Costume Parties

Delirium

 

"When love is not madness, it is not love."

-Pedro Calderon de la Barca

This Drug

You are pathologically insane. You let yourself become erratic and emptied your heart and mind waiting for something external to come take up the space. You were tired and lost and they found you at just the right moment. Offering you a place to rest and a flood of thoughts and ideas you can fill the empty spaces with.

It's a brilliant plan. Because getting someone lost on what they believe is their yellow brick road to happiness isn't something anyone else can fight. I want you to see how lost you are in yourself but dammit, if I say anything I instantly become the bad guy.

And no, I refuse to join in on this manic journey to a seemingly peaceful state of delusion. This epic fabrication has done nothing but harm the ones I love. It's taken more people from me than I care to admit. I hate losing someone I love so dearly but there are some things, even if worth fighting for, are best left alone.

(I am well aware that I may be wrong about this. But this is how I feel and what I believe with every fiber of my being.)

What if they find us?

They're not looking anyway.
=)


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Summer '11 memories

This summer has been so full and exciting. I've spent so many beautiful days and nights reaching out and getting to know my friends better. Every Summer I wish I kept a list. Something to look back on. Then I realized that's kinda what my blog is for anyway. It's a place I can go to remind myself of what I've done, felt and thought. So here's my list from this summer so far. The most memorable of events =)

Time with friends...
Birthday festivities with Timmy and Meghan.
Floating the river with Ashleigh.
Playground time with Laci and Daniel.
Getting junk food with David and eating it on itchy terrible grassy fields.
Swings with Timmy and eclectic groups.
Hunting Cake with Marc and Joe
Solstice Fair walking around with Laci and Sean
Awkward bolwing with Hannah, Blaine, Vince and Buster.
Eventually finding and watching A Comedy of Errors with Lavina.
Dressing up getting ready for costume parties with Hannah.
Working out, eating Thai food and talking about boys with Laci.
Staying up until 7am talking philosophy with Ivyl, Jacob and Aaron.


The parties...
Harry Potter party at Sam's- Then seeing the movie with Sam, Sam, Laura and Marc
The Deity party- Tackled by a nun.
The movie character party- "Chim chiminey, chim chiminey, chim chim, cha-roo!"
The white trash party- Then Family Restaurant group
Ashleigh's Birthday Party- We found a boat!
The accidental party at Timmy's- Battle Waltzing!
Girls night at Hannahs' =P

The events...
Clucking Blossom- Got The Court back together for a second.
The failed flash mob- Got to dance so whatever!
AYP- Painted Lavina's stomach, preformed, chilled with Mikey, Kat, Atigun, Sean, David.
The Hot Mess- Preformed at The Marlin


The trips...
Life altering trip to Arizona.
Hiking Trip with Laci, Elle and Alisha
Mind blowing trip to Anderson.
Chena Hot Springs trip with Laura and Sam.
Camping with Adam.

The boys...
Adam, Lee, Alex, Ethan
lol If nothing else I have some pretty good stories!

I'm sure there is more to come. The fair is coming up and that always ends up being an adventure. And I'll probably have to come back and add to what I remember anyway.

Loving Moments

It's nights like last night that really open up my mind to possibility. Enjoying the company of people who I do not know outside of that moment. A large conglomerate of people from different faces of life. Laughing, drinking, singing and loving the moment. Then a smaller group. Sitting, smoking, drawing, talking about life, love and loss. All of us just a step away from the boundaries of our comfort zones. We were exchanging opinions and thoughts. The room slowly filling up with smoke and the tensions we had been releasing from lips. Finding ways to communicate. Not understanding each other, but understanding life and the beauty of the confusion and unfamiliar ground we were so peacefully bound to, in that moment. It's impossible to describe. It's impossible to put into words or even clear thoughts. But if I can go to sleep this morning with this one absolute I am content. Right now things seem so clearly abstract. The world is a beautiful place.

By the way...

Please, if you have something to say and want it taken seriously, let me know who you are. All comments are subjective and if I don't know who's posting them (especially if they're rude or confrontational) they don't travel far into my emotions or thought processes.
Thank you =)

One more

And the Helix there at the top. Woops.

Masks

Liking someone is never as straightforward as you'd like. Being honest, is honestly pretty difficult. Being together isn't as simple as being. Loving isn't as facile as love.

And more often than not what's easy isn't what's right.

Speaking from the heart at 1:30am...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iThing

Piercings

For some reason I have decided to document my piercings. So.. um well here they are! In order of how exciting they are.

Three in my left lobe and a cartilage.

Three in my right lobe and a Tragus.

Navel

 Two dermal anchors in my nape

So there you have it.At the moment I have to plans for future piercings. Unfortunately I'm out of ones I want. But if I change my mind I might post a picture depending on where it is =P lol jk

Wishing

Days like this remind me why I go to the lengths I go to to become this person I'm working at becoming. Days like this when I go to the gym and work off every last bite of food I've consumed. Days like this when I reach out to people who give me little to nothing back. Days like this when I make appointments to get my hair done for a price I can't afford. Days like this when I try my very hardest not to say anything disagreeable or offensive. Days like this when I keep my mouth shut in fear of saying something wrong. Days like this when I stare into the mirror for lengthy amounts of time, wishing I was born with different skin. Days like this break my heart. There aren't many days like this. I love life and I love me. But sometimes, on days like this, I wish someone else did too. 

Chin up Bright Eyes, loneliness can't last forever.

Love Birds

I found a baby bird yesterday in Alaska Land. Adam and I were walking around and found him on the ground. Put him back in the nest but an hour later he was on the ground again. So I took it with me. I was going to take the poor thing to the vet but they were closed until Monday so I just took it home. Made a little nest type thing in a box, put it under a lamp and have been feeding it little pieces of shrimp. I must say I rally do enjoy the company. Right now it's perched on the lamp singing with me. I turn on music and it just kinda looks around but once I start singing it chirps with me! I feel like freaking snow white. It's great. Gonna miss this little thing come Monday.

The Hot Mess

"I'm sorry about this. It's like I only Drag you into things that suck." -David
"Haha yeah I don't know why I listen to you anymore." -Me
"Because It's all you got." -David

Well shit...

Peaceful Loss

I seem to be playing a lot of games lately. There's this theme in life right now that I'm beginning to catch onto. The art of peaceful loss. I learned a few months ago that some things can be let go of without struggle. And I don't just have to pretend anymore. I can let go with confidence and ease. Finally I am capable of saying, "Hey, this isn't good for me. I don't need it in my life."
A friend who didn't respect me.
A man who could never love me.
A sister who didn't want me.
And a boy who used me.
All of these people I love on various levels. All four of them I care about to no end. Each one of them has made my life better and brightened my world. But right now, none of them need to be in my life. They might wonder back. I may have let my emotional attachments go but I am not above working to rebuild. Life will never stop moving and changing and I think a big part of finding happiness is learning to move and change with life, without losing yourself along the way. And that's my 2am rant on friends and lovers and the in-between.