Just when I think it's all falling apart...
Just when I'm starting to wonder if this was a good idea...
Just when I'm starting to question your motives...
And just when I start to let myself slip away...

You pull me back in.

You make me feel more like a woman than any man ever has. You make me feel sexy and irresistible. You make me feel special. You make me feel intelligent and confident. You make me feel amazing.

And then you let me starve. Hunger for you, crave you.

You tease me.

---

And I love it.

Greed?

For Halloween my friends and I are dressing up to each personify one of the seven deadly sins. Most of the sins and the people representing them had to be shuffled around a bit until they either fit the right people or weren't offending anyone. There were two that were a unanimous vote from the very start. Mine was one of those, and I'm tasked with finding a costume that symbolizes greed.

There's been this ongoing joke for the past 5 years that I am the "Designated Jew" of the group. Even when all but one or two members of said group have changed I am still, The Jew. It kinda fits anyway because I'm a workaholic and am generally pretty good with money.

But... does budgeting myself and being a hard worker make me greedy? The definition of Greed  is, "A selfish and excessive desire for more of something than is needed." If I stand back and look at it, that's not me at all. There's not much I have an excessive amount of. My car is nice, but not great. I don't own a bunch of expensive jewelry. Half my clothes I buy at Value Village.

As far as my greed with money.. It's not so much greed that keeps me comfortable having two or three jobs, working as much overtime as I can and being aware of where exactly my money is going. It's fear. I'm scared to need something and not be able to attain it. Also for me work has always been a great way to get my mind off things. I feel accomplished and useful after a good days work. The money is nice obviously but there are other reasons I like working.

So when I stop and think about it, me being the obvious choice for Greed is pretty inaccurate. But, in the end I can't possibly actually be upset about because... Well, I AM The Jew ;)

Dear Life,

If you don't mind, I think I'll be happy now.

Hopefully yours,
Emily