Changes

My life is almost nothing like it was a year ago. Different best friends. Different job. No school. And moving out soon. It's weird how as things are happening you don't notice that they're actuall;y changing your life. Looking back I ask myself, "Where was I when all this happened?" Too close to see what was going on. I was a wreck a year ago. Those close to me then will remember... Well, I dunno I kept my life quiet. Even the small things. Now, I feel put together. I'm trying to remind myself time and time again that things are going well. As I can feel myself getting sucked into the darkness of the changing seasons. Already, just with the easlier nights, later days, I feel down. My heart and I know things are going well. My emotions and I are convinced otherwise. What side am I on anyway? ... I can tell already this year winter will be better. I miss the company of a lot of people... Dance people. Best friends. Classmates. But I truely am surrounded by the small group of people who really care for me. It's easier to have hope now. Easier to keep my head above water. It's still hard, still a chore. But this winter.. I think I might be able to beat it.

I can't wait.

I'm getting so excited for moving out. Sure thing aren't the way I planned. Not going to Tennessee. Yet. But I'm getting out of my house. I have a great job. I've always wanted to be independent. It's just been something in my nature ever since high school started. I've got everything I need for my new room. Book shelf, bed, lamp, pillows, night stand, laundry hamper, door lock, coat hangers.. lol just those little things are getting me excited. Maybe not my dream roommates, but there's no real big issues. I'll probably end up keeping to myself a bit anyway.. My work schedule is different from theirs I think so when they're home I might be asleep a lot. We'll see. I'm just loving the thought of leaving home for good. I've got plans for painting my room.. all that good stuff. I'll probably post pictures when it gets put together. Naturally the main theme of my room will be kinda boring.. I'm painting the walls white and most everything else I've bought is black. And some green. I'll be nice I think. Anyway I just felt like talking about that stuff. I really wanna have a little get-together with a bunch of friends once I get my room fixed up. So keep in touch people. =)

Love.

Couples make me happy. I know it's weird. But it warms my heart to hear Hannah speaking of the miracle that is.. I guess in one word.. Val. To watch Ashleigh's face light up when Adam texts her. "My boyfriend loves me!" Whenever Adam speaks of his devotion to Shelby I smile. They're so happy. Looking online at Ashley's wedding pictures with Fred. So in love... So beautiful. I love love. Love it. Seems all my best friends are passionately falling. They're all so happy. So happy... Firsts loves, second chance loves, true love... It's beautiful. Love makes people beautiful. I love it.

Ordinary.

It seems like such a strange thing to hear. Me, "ordinary" ... No. The completely unneeded response is caught in my throat. I've heard a lot of them, "weird" "crazy" "unique" "fascinating" "complicated" None of these meant in a negative OR positive way entirely.. but none of them anything closely relating to "ordinary."

Yes, yes I am. Thank you, I've always aimed for that. How dare you. Oh well. I don't care. How rude. ... Ordinary.

I suppose ordinary is better than an unusually evil. Surprisingly hateful. Abnormally obnoxious. Or is it? Stand out in a bad way? Fade in? If it's not hurting anyone... stand out? ... Fade in. Fade out. ... Ordinary?

But why should it matter? Not like I know the guy. Met him twice. To me he seems like a being completely without personality. Boring. Rude perhaps. But I do not know. It doesn't matter. Not even a little bit.

... Ordinary.

... Ordinary.

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