Shapes. You. Next? Life. Me. Great! False. RAWR!

Shapes in the clouds.

Figures in the stars.

Patterns in the rock.

If only life could be looked at from so far away.

I have a blog I want to post to you. But I'm scared it'd make you angry... I always made you so angry.

I don't want to know how it ends.
I just want to know what comes next.

I miss what I had.

I'll miss what I have.

I feel somethings missing.

lol Life.

I'm difficult to see,

impossible to catch,

easy to love,

hard to hold onto

and never quite what you thought I'd be.

WHY WON'T YOU LET ME PUT A SPACE HERE?!?

"Have a great day!" (asshole) "Have a great day!" (asshole) "Have a great day!" (asshole.) "Have a great day!" (asshole) "Have a great day!" (asshole.)

OR HERE!??!

I miss writing blogs.

I wrote blogs when I was upset.

Therefore I miss being upset................................................................False =P

RAWR!

Empowerment

You'd be inclined
To be mine for the taking
And part of this terrible mess that I'm making
But you
You're the catalyst

You'll be the vein
you'll be the pain
you'll be the scar

You'll be the road
Rolling below
The wheels of a car

And all of the thoughts on
God,
Don't know if I'm strong enough now

You'll be the vein
you'll be a pain
you'll be the catalyst

The best thing you ever did for me was help destroy me. Without turning into something nine tenths collapsed I would have never turned into something nine tenths rebuilt. Nine tenths improved. I know that is a time in my life I will always look back on in embarrassment and regret. A time where I gave you everything. My friendships were in your hands. I fought so hard to keep things stable and silent. How was that not unnerving to you? How could you think nothing was wrong? All my pathetic attempts to keep my secret. But it wasn't enough. You destroyed my reputation and my trust in you all at once. You will never know the depth of the emptiness I felt when you left me. I was alone. I was betrayed. I was scared. I was replaced... I was free. I've hated you. I've regretted you. I've missed you. My heart had been broken, my world unbalanced... and you just couldn't see how much it all was still taring me apart. No, I don't blame you alone. I hated myself for it just as much as you. I hated us. But as much as I've always wanted that us to disappear, I wouldn't be me without it. And me, right now, as I am, is the best me I've ever known. So thank you. I have little respect for you, no real emotion left for you, but I thank you. In some bizarre twisted way you've helped me. It's like burning a field so better life can grow in it's place. You were that fire. And I will never forget that.

Those Republicans...

I don't have a problem with Republicans. Some of the basic actions and ideas of them bother me.. Take the four men who come into the cafe every morning... Few weeks ago I heard, "Last night I saw a video online showing school children singing a praise to Obama. It was one of the scariest things I've ever heard." ... OH NO! God forbid we praise our president! How DARE they let small children think having respect and showing honor for their leaders and country is a good idea! That's ridiculous!

A few weeks later I heard something along the lines of, "I can't believe they're showing Obama speech to school kids in classrooms... I would never let my children see that." .... Me neither.. if one of my nations role models and leaders was giving a speech telling kids to stay in school and work hard I would keep my children at home that day. Might as well show them porn. ... Stupid teachers."

The one that gets me the most- This morning, "I cannot believe they gave Obama the Nobel Peace Prize. What the hell has he done to deserve that?" How about changing how America treats the rest of the world? How's that for a start? Over the past eight years if any country got in our way Bush either bought them off or bullied them. The world hated us. Winning a Nobel Prize isn't a joke. The republicans at the cafe hate it... because unlike some republicans, they hate everything democratic. The ideas, the party, the politicians. Everything. A republican hasn't won the Nobel Peace Prize since 1973 when Henry Kissinger helped stop the Vietnam war. Since then 3 or 4 democrats have won it. But no... It's not enough to win what is probably THE biggest international honor. There's a lot of Nobel Prizes. Ones of literature, mathematics, science.. but the Peace Prize is about as high as it gets. You don't get one in a box of cracker-jacks. This morning they said it was just probably enough democrats close to the judges just asking for Obama to get it. They select the winners in Sweden you morons! These people get elected to do this BECAUSE they can look at things objectively. BECAUSE they can see the big picture. Unlike those men in the cafe who are just CERTAIN that the republican party is right, and the rest of the world is wrong! How can they be the only ones with valid points? How?!

I make it a personal policy to not talk about politics in public. The people disagreeing with you don't care what you have to say, and very few people will listen closely enough to ever consider changing their minds. Republican OR Democrat. I just REALLY needed that off my chest. And don't get me wrong.. I don't hate all republicans or anything.. Those ones at the cafe bother me. And I never get a chance to argue... not that they would listen... Not that I'd have the nerve.

What's it all about?

I feel like writing more blogs lately. But I can't find anything to write about. I used this blog as a tool for venting.. and now.. I dunno I try to keep updates but it's always been the same, the words only flow when I'm sad. Happiness takes fewer words to explain. For me Happiness isn't an emotion. It's ABOUT something. It's ABOUT working hard and gaining from it. It's being able to forgive. It's ABOUT achieving goals. It's ABOUT trusting. It's ABOUT accepting life, and loving it anyway. I can only reach so far to hold onto the ones I loved. But at some point I've realized it's not about me. I can try to make things right with my family.. But no matter what I do things don't change. Is it my fault? No. It's not about me.
Life. This life. My life. That's about me. Who I care for. Changes I can make. Ways I can help the world. My world.

The Little Things

It's annoying that once I'm in a good place in my life I just never happen to see my friends. I think that's the only thing missing. I see Ashleigh here and there. Hannah every now and then but apart from that it's just Keenan and I. Ditching my friends for a boy? some might think that but no. It's just not like that. Thing is I just don't see people. I don't know anyones school schedules, so it's frustrating trying to plan stuff. And people stopped texting so much so it's just awkward to start talking. I dunno I saw things turning out differently. I guess a big part of it is also how busy I am. Maybe it's just work, but it takes a lot out of me. 40 hours a week at 6am is exhausting. It's a great shift don't get me wrong. I make some damn good money... but I have little energy after work. Sitting in massage chairs at Saddlers with Ashleigh was pretty much the perfect afternoon. But I still feel run down. I miss being able to just sit and talk with Lavina. Getting lunch with Sam. Sitting with a group of friends at Kylie's watching Killer Tomatoes or something. Just little things like that ya know? But I'm just not sure how to get from one place to another. How did I get from there to here? ... I really don't mean to sound like I'm complaining. I'm doing rather well there's just little things missing. And anyone who's seen Zombieland will know as well as I do, that enjoying the little things is important =P