A Way Back Into Love

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need 'em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

Reality Check

I didn't know being in a relationship excused you from being a decent friend... I'll keep that in mind I guess.

Aliens. I'm sure.

Random Thoughts

I have more morals and guidelines than most people would think. It's will power that I'm missing.

No two people know the same me.

I like myself best when I'm alone.

I enjoy life more in the company of others.

I'm honestly terrified that I really am incapable of loving again. Not to sound emo... but the thought actually really bothers me.

I think seagulls are beautiful.

I don't let go of the past. But I refuse to look back.

I ate three moon pies today.

Sometimes I think of all the people I care for and would like to look after. Then I wonder, who's protecting me?

I think I'm happy now. Is happiness like love? Do you have to just know?

It's just nice when I don't have to sleep alone. Having another person around gives me a little more peace at night.

I'm scared of losing control around other people. It's never happened.

I should be sleeping.

=O

We found a hobit in some pipes. And we left him there. And before we left we said, "It's a hobit, lets leave it." Can you hardly believe it??

ttfn =]

When you miss someone you feel a sense of loss. When you lose someone with nothing to offer you anyway... Why care? Habit? I'm not sure. Lately I'm getting a grip on my feelings a little more. I miss my Adam friend... of course. But he's not so into talking to me at the moment. He's got lots to do and plenty to worry about. So I let him know I love him, and wait for him to contact me when he feels like it. Christian I'll always miss, but I'm not missing much now. We're both fairly happy, what more did we ever want really? I'm really going to miss Marc I think. Not that we ever hang out much. Not that we've ever become really close. But there's something in the friendship I just feel needs to be explored. Who knows, it still might... That's enough hope for me. Okay I miss Caitlin sometimes. I guess I just assume that we'll one day find our friendship again somewhere... We're just in different places now. I missed Allyson, but, she's back. I miss Joe, but he only ever got me into trouble anyway. He's better for me as a memory. No, I'm still not over missing Harry. lol I'll always love that kid. I needed him but I wasn't what he needed. And after a long time venting then cooling off... I can respect that.

I guess there's just no hard feelings with me anymore. Who am I mad at? No one. Who do I hate? No one. I care, I worry, I cry. But I don't hold those grudges anymore. I just.. don't. It's bizarre. If people are gone from me I guess they just want to be. And who am I to change their mind.

Go. Have fun. Be free. Make friends. Make memories. And by all means, come back if you don't find anything better. I might still be here. =]

The Snowball Effect

I apologise. This is a lame one.

The snowball effect. It happens with lies, it happens with depression, it happens with problems, it happens with snowballs.

When you lie you soon find yourself coming up with lies to cover your lies... then explanations behind the lies... then stories to back up the explanations behind the lies... then you let pieces of the truth slip and you need a lie for that too. Oy...

When you're feeling depressed you're just not in the mood to receive anything in a good way. What might have just been spilt coffee, makes your life, in that moment totally suck. Anything really... it all seems to be bordering on the edge between holding on and losing control. So you aren't as nice, so people don't like you, so you have fewer friends, which makes you more sad, which makes you no fun to be around, which makes you lonely. Oy...

When you have a certain problem you may think to just wait it out. "I'll just give it time." "We'll see." Not as many situations do best with this decision in reality. So you put off your school work because it's really really hard to keep up, so you get stressed at the last minute, so you don't get along with as many people, so you lose contact, so you don't see them, so... you're lonely now. Or even just the effect that a bad morning will have on you. Wake up late, so your breakfast gets skipped, so you're hungry, therefore irritable, you're late to work, so you feel guilty or get in an argument with a coworker. lol... it only happens when the rest of the morning is determined to suck.

When you make a snowball.... If anyone would like me to specifically explain this I will. But I think you got it.

3:08

Where is the love?

Don't let me go.

I knew you'd be back =)

It's all so simple.

You're just like me and I'm just like you.

Thank you for caring.

There's a word for it, there's a name that fits, but whatever the reason you do it for me.

She's so beautiful...

Cork?

My mind is all over the place today =]

Masters of Symbiosis

Humans are the masters of symbiosis. With the exeption of some family issues people will rarely keep in the company of anyone else if they're not getting something out of it. Whether you're close to someone because they're fun, they're attractive, they're easy to boss around, they're rich, they're a good influence, you can use them as an intilectual stimulant or even if you just need to be helping someone... We, above all other species, have the ability to pick and choose which other people we want to have in our circle. We have such control over it. Noticing that from an outward veiw could set so many people up for succesful friendships and relationships. What do you have to offer people?
What do you want from others?

feathers

It's like we're all on completely different levels from each other. like.. with everything. What's funny to me isn't funny to you, and is just a little funny to the bald guy in the corner. What I find offensive, you don't, and your mom doesn't even understand. How is it even possible that people relate at all? Like if every definition is really.. in the end down to what each individual person thinks or believes or whatever.. then how can a conversation even happen? how can you understand someone and how can anyone understand you at all? It's such a... ah I dunno just blows my mind. I see everyone on this like... overlapping set of 3 bazillion stairs. And we're all a step... not a step up or down from anyone else.. just a step off. Just not on the same level however you wanna look at it. How man kind can find a way to live with each other like we do is simply amazing! I'm impressed with us for now... for now. And mother nature, good job. God, you too. Happy 5:30am

Hmmm...

I wonder what my blog thinks about me.

Get Some

Some things need to be left alone.
Some things are better left unsaid.
Some things only make sense in your mind.

Some things... you will lose.

Some things are meant to leave you.

Some things come back

Some things need their space.

Some things need their time.

Some things are worth not fighting for.

Somewhere we don't need each other.

Somewhere we are meant to be.

Somewhere we don't need each other.

Somewhere we are meant to be.

Sometimes I have to be angry.

Sometimes I just want to cry.

Sometimes I just need to laugh.

Sometimes you give me hope.

Sometimes you wear me down.

Sometimes you confuse my world.

Sometimes we're scared.

Sometimes we feel brave.

Sometimes we forget everyone else.