A WHAT!?

A guy came up to the counter today and asked for a "quickie." After a couple minutes of offended confusion and rude comments I realized he wanted a quiche.

Pieces Of Me

I don't like grilled cheese sandwiches or coffee for the same reason.

I love Christmas, I hate Christmas songs.

When I'm in the bathtub I HATE when water gets in my belly button before the rest of my stomach is completely submerged.

I find it odd that I am not afraid to touch sponges.

My boobs are uneven.

I love saying, "I told you so."

I get pink mail... =/

I hold onto material possessions. Gifts, pictures, other memorabilia, because I'm scared of finding out someone or something I loved never existed.

I'm terribly shy.

I can't whistle. I only remember to practice when I'm around people. And they ALWAYS tell me to shut up before I get anywhere, by the time I remember to practice again, I'm back at square one.

I feel offended when people don't use a recipe while cooking.

I can't breath when I wear leather clothing.

I've never endangered my life by trying.

pretending to be nice to costumers trained me to actually be nice to real people.

A doctor once told me I had borderline personality disorder.

I love to pluck hair. Like eyebrows or men's growing facial hair.

I hate when people cuss around young children, pregnant women and old people.

I can't swim. I don't catch and I wish I could Juggle.

I'm one of those girls.. I have a HUGE crush on Robert Pattinson.

I feel more comfortable in small spaces.

I think everything tastes better in small portions.

Chances are, I will NEVER admit to loving you (whoever you are) as much as I really do.

My favorite musician is a big Nordic, redhead with dreds, facial hair and a soothing voice.

I also like Wham, Cher, Hall and Oats and Clay Aiken.

I often sit in my car and count the vehicles that pass. Sometimes just the red ones. Sometimes just the black ones.

I have no secrets. Between about 6 people, they know everything.

I've always wanted to be thinner. But I love food so damn much!

I'm terrified of people touching my toes.

I'm legally blind in one eye. And my hearing sucks.

How... Words.

There's so much I want to explain right now...

How great I feel sometimes.

How confusing this past week has been.

How much I want to take the words back.

How much I appreciate the honesty and love.

How tired I am.

How frustrated I am.

How I could for the first time ever, feel myself as a person changing. While it happened.

How hard I'm trying.

How much I've let go.

How little I want to fight.

How free I feel.

How much I want to impress.

How I just don't see how it was SO easy for her to cast me aside...

How surprisingly little I care.

How grateful I am to have my life the way it is now.

I want to explain so much right now. But there's too many thoughts in one place. I'm having a hard time separating the thoughts at the moment. So this'll do. =)

Just rambling, I promise. lol

I've tried to explain this countless times on this blog... The me, not connecting to myself thing. I think the thing I have a problem with is that I used to define who I was with who and how I loved. These days, I love less. I love a lot of people still.. Ashleigh, Ashley, Keenan, Adam 1, Adam 2, Lavina, Laura, Marc, Sam 1, Sam 2, Joe, Hannah... But I never see them. Ashleigh is busy with Adam 3 and school. Ashley lives in Tennessee and has a baby and a husband. Adam 1 is in another state. Adam 2 I never see. Lavina is hard to reach. Laura, Sam1 and Sam 2 are all busy with work and school. Marc lives in Canada. Joe lives in New Hampshire. Hannah is busy with school and boyfriend. Keenan is my best friend. But a person needs more than one friend. I love all those people but I have to keep my love at a distance or it bothers me that I never see them or in some cases that I don't receive the love back. Without being close to people I have a hard time being close to me. I love my life. But I don't feel connected with it exactly. Hopefully this is the last time I try to explain this... lol. It never works. Maybe this is me saying to anyone who reads this blog, "Hey, I miss you. I love you." If I were smart I could become closer to the ones I actually see... But that leaves my coworkers and Keenan's family.. lol. I really like the people I work with. Jake is hilarious. Taylor's adorable and fun to chat with. Bobbi's my boss.. lol. And David hovers between amusing, fun and hurtful. But I don't hang out with any of them outside work. Apart from one party at least. My "roommates" Allyson and Caitlin and I used to be friends. Best friends in fact. But they live a life I'm not interested in living. And it's hard to connect with people who can't see eye to eye with. And people who don't really care if you're friends or not. I often wish I would just randomly meet someone. A costumer maybe. Someone in the mall.. a friends friend.. and we'd talk, text, hang out, and just talk all the time. They'd care about what I had to say. They'd open up and tell me about their life. And *POOF* Best friend. But it doesn't usually happen like that. More than that scenario... I'd love an old friend to text me with a, "Hey, I miss you. Lets hang out." And things would work their way back to a close friend mode. I just feel a little empty.. Not much, but a little. I'm happy. But I know I could be better.

YES!!

Muhahaha! I'm convincing.

To my friend,

who tells me everything. The friend who can talk me to sleep. The friend who knows when I'm smiling, over the phone.

who writes to me. Who left but isn't gone. Who shows up online when I do, and brightens my day by simply being. The friend who thinks I'm funny. The friend who can make me feel intelligent.

who I can go a month without seeing, and we never lose that connection. To the friend I can dance and sing with in the car. The friend who gives the best hugs. The friend who confuses the words "lilo and stitch" with "skittle." =P

who was never really gone. The friend I've been across oceans with. The friend who I can trust no matter what when it really matters.

who spends every day with me. Who doesn't hide anything from me. The friend that knows my every emotion. The friend who lets me know I'm "important."

who I haven't seen in five years. Who I can still get on the phone with and talk about whatever. The friend I would give nearly anything to go see. The friend I miss the most.

I love you.