Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Pogo the Clown
John Wayne Gacy, Jr. (March 17, 1942 – May 10, 1994) was an American serial killer. He was convicted and later executed for the rape and murder of 33 boys and young men between 1972 and his arrest in 1978, 27 of whom he buried in a crawl space under the floor of his house, while others were found in nearby rivers. He became notorious as the "Killer Clown" because of the many block parties he threw for his friends and neighbors, entertaining children in a clown suit and makeup, under the name of "Pogo the Clown". Reincarnated as Emily Robyn Borecki (June 9, 1990 – Present.)
Monday, February 23, 2009
I Dream Of Marionettes
I could be the puppeteer. I could hold the strings and make things work and occur exactly how they’re supposed to. I could pull the ends and watch them dance to the music of my own creation. I could learn to sing. I could learn to fly. I could speak 13 foreign languages at least. I could twist the plot of their story. I could put smiles on everyone’s face. Even mine. I could create a “perfect” world. I could you know. I really could…
Monday, February 16, 2009
* I feel alive
"I feel most alive when..."
I feel most alive when I am dancing. I may not be the best dancer.. but I love it. The dance team has it's issues and I honestly can;t wait to be away from it. But when I am dancing none of it matters. Ms. Brown may not see it very well but I do express a lot of myself when I dance. It's hard to find that peace trying to do routine's right... but when they turn into muscle memory and I'm just enjoying the movements and the music I feel alive. I feel free and beautiful. Two things which don't happen very often I might add. I love dancing. I love preforming. I love being in my partners arms and giving away to the steps. I'm not thinking of anyone but me. I'm not worrying about anything outside of dancing. My mind isn't wondering anywhere but within myself.
I feel most alive when I am dancing. I may not be the best dancer.. but I love it. The dance team has it's issues and I honestly can;t wait to be away from it. But when I am dancing none of it matters. Ms. Brown may not see it very well but I do express a lot of myself when I dance. It's hard to find that peace trying to do routine's right... but when they turn into muscle memory and I'm just enjoying the movements and the music I feel alive. I feel free and beautiful. Two things which don't happen very often I might add. I love dancing. I love preforming. I love being in my partners arms and giving away to the steps. I'm not thinking of anyone but me. I'm not worrying about anything outside of dancing. My mind isn't wondering anywhere but within myself.
* Forgiveness
"I wish i could forgive..."
Christian. Really... It's like... I know I won't stop hurting from him until I've forgiven him. Fro all he did to me.. For everything he put me through. I've spent more time in my life crying because of him than I think I ever actually spent time with him...
"I have denied that forgiveness because..."
I don't know the full story. I have an e-mail ready to go... We're talking now so that's good... I just want to actually know. he's good at dancing around it and telling me things without telling them to me. Once I get him to actually open up about it I think I might be able to forgive him. He couldn't surprise me. lol my minds thought up every possibility. All I need is an answer. *sigh* ... That's all I ever needed.
Christian. Really... It's like... I know I won't stop hurting from him until I've forgiven him. Fro all he did to me.. For everything he put me through. I've spent more time in my life crying because of him than I think I ever actually spent time with him...
"I have denied that forgiveness because..."
I don't know the full story. I have an e-mail ready to go... We're talking now so that's good... I just want to actually know. he's good at dancing around it and telling me things without telling them to me. Once I get him to actually open up about it I think I might be able to forgive him. He couldn't surprise me. lol my minds thought up every possibility. All I need is an answer. *sigh* ... That's all I ever needed.
* Fumanchu
"My Fumanchu ('The big bull I rode for 2.7 seconds that I never believed I could') was..."
I guess going to Utah to compete. For the longest time i didn't think I'd make the team even. It would have been better if we'd have won.. but Just going was an adventure.
"And after if was over I felt..."
Like it had all gone too fast.
"There are other bulls I want to ride, mountains I want to climb, such as..."
Just being happy really... nothing more than that. To not feel pain as often. To feel loved and needed. Or if nothing else just left alone to do my own thing. I just want to be in control I guess. That would make me happy I think..
I guess going to Utah to compete. For the longest time i didn't think I'd make the team even. It would have been better if we'd have won.. but Just going was an adventure.
"And after if was over I felt..."
Like it had all gone too fast.
"There are other bulls I want to ride, mountains I want to climb, such as..."
Just being happy really... nothing more than that. To not feel pain as often. To feel loved and needed. Or if nothing else just left alone to do my own thing. I just want to be in control I guess. That would make me happy I think..
* Impossible Dream
"The big, beautiful, dangerous, exhilarating, farflung, impossible dream I keep tucked away is..."
I guess I don't really have one of those dreams... I suppose the thing I wish to accomplish most in life is leaving Alaska and starting a new life. I just want to get away and start "over." I don't want anything fancy... Just a decent job, some friends, a nice climate... and to be free from my parents.
"The only reason I haven't chased that dream is..."
Currently I'm just waiting to be done with high school. I just need to have a free schedule. Once things open up a bit, I'm dippin' out.
I guess I don't really have one of those dreams... I suppose the thing I wish to accomplish most in life is leaving Alaska and starting a new life. I just want to get away and start "over." I don't want anything fancy... Just a decent job, some friends, a nice climate... and to be free from my parents.
"The only reason I haven't chased that dream is..."
Currently I'm just waiting to be done with high school. I just need to have a free schedule. Once things open up a bit, I'm dippin' out.
I miss
I miss late night adventures through the woods.
I miss "Perhaps" and "A Poem"
- - "Forever."
I miss Euro Pretzles
I miss the Uber Bitch
- - Geeses...Gooses...
I miss sitting on my car
I miss that crazy southern boy
I miss being held by the one I love
I miss Twon Nights and Fat Parties
- - Ice cream
- - Make up
- - Strawberry smores??
I miss Shwank... Sometimes.
I miss my dog
- - Nigga
I miss good grades
- - Well... "good"
I miss the dance team of '06
I miss being a freshmen
I miss my red-headed mormon
I miss my emo badass stoner friend
I miss being freinds with him...
- - Best friends
I miss writing poems
I miss singing in the shower
- - Before the tears
I miss Ceramics
I miss smooth skin
I miss playing the flute
It's official... I miss too much.
lol
I miss "Perhaps" and "A Poem"
- - "Forever."
I miss Euro Pretzles
I miss the Uber Bitch
- - Geeses...Gooses...
I miss sitting on my car
I miss that crazy southern boy
I miss being held by the one I love
I miss Twon Nights and Fat Parties
- - Ice cream
- - Make up
- - Strawberry smores??
I miss Shwank... Sometimes.
I miss my dog
- - Nigga
I miss good grades
- - Well... "good"
I miss the dance team of '06
I miss being a freshmen
I miss my red-headed mormon
I miss my emo badass stoner friend
I miss being freinds with him...
- - Best friends
I miss writing poems
I miss singing in the shower
- - Before the tears
I miss Ceramics
I miss smooth skin
I miss playing the flute
It's official... I miss too much.
lol
* Live like you were dying
"He said I was in my early forties
with a lot of life before me
when a moment came that stopped me on a dime
and I spent most of the next days
looking at the x-rays
Talking bout the options
and talking bout sweet times
I asked him when it sank in
that this might really be the real end
how's it hit you when you get that kinda news
man what'd you do
and he said
I went sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named fumanchu
and I loved deeper
and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.
He said I was finally the husband
that most the time I wasn't
and I became a friend a friend would like to have
and all the sudden going fishin
wasn't such an imposition
and I went three times that year I lost my dad
well I finally read the good book
and I took a good long hard look
at what I'd do if I could do it all again"
-- Tim McGraw
I bought this journal last summer when Caitlin and I were jammin' around. "Live like you were dying." I bought it for a few reasons. it was a good day, that's for sure. I remember I woke up to a text from Garrett, whom I was dating at the time. I wen to hang out with Caitlin and we went to a book store. While in the book store Egan called me, he had been on vacation so i hadn't heard much from him. I came across this book and the title instantly reminded me of Adam. He always used to quote that at me. "Live like you were dying." The book was also like 40% off so I bought it. It's full of thought provoking questions and open ended statements. I'll never write in it. So i decided to put it into blogs which I am far more likely to actually do. So here we go. A blog "series?" that will hopefully lead me somewhere new and exciting in my mind.
"I think the greatest secret in life is..."
I think the greatest secret in life is that while from a young age we are told to follow our hearts, we are also told what to do. And what not to do. There are millions of little restrictions binding us to where we stand in life. In life, we need to realize those restrictions do not have to be there. If we try hard enough and really focus ourselves on it we really can do what will lead us to complete and total peace within our hearts. Free from pressure, we can chose where we want to go. Sure, we will always have a hard time getting there. Obstacles will arise and honestly no one really cares what's in your heart. It's up to the individual. The weight of the world may be crushing a person until they can hardly breath but they still have strength somewhere inside them if they dig deep enough through their soul. It's hard to know what's best for yourself. Personally I make a lot of horrible mistakes that pull me back steps at a time. I'm rarely alone in this though. Very often I hope that I am not hindering the progress of other people as much as some of them impede me. I think people should be a little more aware of their influence in other people's life. I don't think we need each other. I think if a person is at the ideal place in life they're okay standing alone. But to get there we have to overcome all these feelings of attachment and need. We should help each other more than we do. We're all on a similar journey through life trying to find our ways to the top. We do not need each other as much as we think, but it helps. It helps get us there to have friends and loved ones. And it helps us get there to be free from the suppression we feel from each other. If only people could see that we all have more choices than we appear to have... I think that's the greatest secret the world has. We're all free. We all have choices. We just forget sometimes.
with a lot of life before me
when a moment came that stopped me on a dime
and I spent most of the next days
looking at the x-rays
Talking bout the options
and talking bout sweet times
I asked him when it sank in
that this might really be the real end
how's it hit you when you get that kinda news
man what'd you do
and he said
I went sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named fumanchu
and I loved deeper
and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.
He said I was finally the husband
that most the time I wasn't
and I became a friend a friend would like to have
and all the sudden going fishin
wasn't such an imposition
and I went three times that year I lost my dad
well I finally read the good book
and I took a good long hard look
at what I'd do if I could do it all again"
-- Tim McGraw
I bought this journal last summer when Caitlin and I were jammin' around. "Live like you were dying." I bought it for a few reasons. it was a good day, that's for sure. I remember I woke up to a text from Garrett, whom I was dating at the time. I wen to hang out with Caitlin and we went to a book store. While in the book store Egan called me, he had been on vacation so i hadn't heard much from him. I came across this book and the title instantly reminded me of Adam. He always used to quote that at me. "Live like you were dying." The book was also like 40% off so I bought it. It's full of thought provoking questions and open ended statements. I'll never write in it. So i decided to put it into blogs which I am far more likely to actually do. So here we go. A blog "series?" that will hopefully lead me somewhere new and exciting in my mind.
"I think the greatest secret in life is..."
I think the greatest secret in life is that while from a young age we are told to follow our hearts, we are also told what to do. And what not to do. There are millions of little restrictions binding us to where we stand in life. In life, we need to realize those restrictions do not have to be there. If we try hard enough and really focus ourselves on it we really can do what will lead us to complete and total peace within our hearts. Free from pressure, we can chose where we want to go. Sure, we will always have a hard time getting there. Obstacles will arise and honestly no one really cares what's in your heart. It's up to the individual. The weight of the world may be crushing a person until they can hardly breath but they still have strength somewhere inside them if they dig deep enough through their soul. It's hard to know what's best for yourself. Personally I make a lot of horrible mistakes that pull me back steps at a time. I'm rarely alone in this though. Very often I hope that I am not hindering the progress of other people as much as some of them impede me. I think people should be a little more aware of their influence in other people's life. I don't think we need each other. I think if a person is at the ideal place in life they're okay standing alone. But to get there we have to overcome all these feelings of attachment and need. We should help each other more than we do. We're all on a similar journey through life trying to find our ways to the top. We do not need each other as much as we think, but it helps. It helps get us there to have friends and loved ones. And it helps us get there to be free from the suppression we feel from each other. If only people could see that we all have more choices than we appear to have... I think that's the greatest secret the world has. We're all free. We all have choices. We just forget sometimes.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Piercings
Random piercing conversations just popped up everywhere... I feel the need to express a secret wish to the world.
I've been wanting a nape piercing for years. The first time I saw it was on Chris. ("Mr. Benshoof") And yeah.. he's hot... but that's not why I want it! lol I was like dude.. that's one of the only no ear piercings I could ever pull off. I think it's really cute with a random dash of badassnessness... yes? I dunno. The sad part is the outbreak of shingles I got over Christmas break left scars right there on my neck! Why would you get a piercing over scars... eww... I'm hoping they heal.
Apart from that.. I don't think piercings are a good idea for me. Or most people really. Select few people can pull off the different types of piercings. It really depends. Me, I can't do much other than ears. MAYBE my nose of I got ambitious and crazy one day lol but most likely just ears.. and IF my scars heal, nape piercing <3
I felt the need to write this.. As I think of Allyson's new lip piercing, Caitlin is telling me about her piercing plans, and Keenan is cutting the hair off his left hand... ...
Thursday, February 12, 2009
I DON'T CARE!!
I'm sorry. I haven't been this angry in over a year. I know anyone who reads this will think I'm just horrible but... well today I am. Today, I'm allowed. Anyone leaves a comment telling me I'm rude and it's getting deleted. My blog is for ME. You just get to read it.
I'm extremely irritable today. People keep complaining at me about things I just CAN'T care about. I'm nice. I keep myself composed... But I NEED an outlet for this. Read no more if you're in a criticizing mood.
"I have this zit. right on my chin right in the middle and it's so obvious and gross!"
"Oh... I'm sorry."
...I have singles, on my face. Look at me. Do I look like I care about your zit? Do I really?? I don't!!!
"My mom took away my cell phone for the entire night!"
"Dumb I hate being without my phone."
I don't care. ...my mom stole my car.
"I have a C in math."
"Why?"
I'm failing 4 classes. I don't REALLY care!
"I got 6 shots yesterday."
"I have to get a shot next week too. I'm so scared of needles! It's going to hurt so bad I don't want to go."
"You'll be fine."
... I don't care!!
"I'm so tired... I hardly got any sleep last night."
"Oh that sucks. Get some coffee maybe?"
I haven't gotten more than 4 hours sleep in a week. ... You're a little tired? ... I don't care.
Okay now that all that rude is out. Please world, bring your problems to me!!! I can;t wait to hear them! =D
Blog 2 - - Yes, Blog within a blog!
Mom, "How was your day?"
Me, "Painful and embarrassing."
Mom, "Emily, you complain a lot. Tell me something good about your day."
Me, "I got 2 pattys in my burger today at lunch."
Mom, "Anything else?"
Me, "...The book I'm reading is good."
Mom, "Is that all?"
Me, "... Yes. ..."
I'm extremely irritable today. People keep complaining at me about things I just CAN'T care about. I'm nice. I keep myself composed... But I NEED an outlet for this. Read no more if you're in a criticizing mood.
"I have this zit. right on my chin right in the middle and it's so obvious and gross!"
"Oh... I'm sorry."
...I have singles, on my face. Look at me. Do I look like I care about your zit? Do I really?? I don't!!!
"My mom took away my cell phone for the entire night!"
"Dumb I hate being without my phone."
I don't care. ...my mom stole my car.
"I have a C in math."
"Why?"
I'm failing 4 classes. I don't REALLY care!
"I got 6 shots yesterday."
"I have to get a shot next week too. I'm so scared of needles! It's going to hurt so bad I don't want to go."
"You'll be fine."
... I don't care!!
"I'm so tired... I hardly got any sleep last night."
"Oh that sucks. Get some coffee maybe?"
I haven't gotten more than 4 hours sleep in a week. ... You're a little tired? ... I don't care.
Okay now that all that rude is out. Please world, bring your problems to me!!! I can;t wait to hear them! =D
Blog 2 - - Yes, Blog within a blog!
Mom, "How was your day?"
Me, "Painful and embarrassing."
Mom, "Emily, you complain a lot. Tell me something good about your day."
Me, "I got 2 pattys in my burger today at lunch."
Mom, "Anything else?"
Me, "...The book I'm reading is good."
Mom, "Is that all?"
Me, "... Yes. ..."
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Things That Aren't
A firefly is not a fly - it is a beetle
A prairie dog is not a dog - it is a rodent
A peanut is not a nut - it is a legume
A silkworm is not a worm - it is a caterpillar
An English horn is not English and it isn’t a horn - it is a French alto oboe
A panda bear is not a bear - it is a relative of the raccoon
A shooting star is not a star - it is a metorite
A bald eagle is not bald - it has flat white feathers on its head
A koala bear is not a bear - it is a marsupial
JUST SAYIN'!!
A prairie dog is not a dog - it is a rodent
A peanut is not a nut - it is a legume
A silkworm is not a worm - it is a caterpillar
An English horn is not English and it isn’t a horn - it is a French alto oboe
A panda bear is not a bear - it is a relative of the raccoon
A shooting star is not a star - it is a metorite
A bald eagle is not bald - it has flat white feathers on its head
A koala bear is not a bear - it is a marsupial
JUST SAYIN'!!
Sunday, February 8, 2009
PSH!!!
The EaRtH shakes my soul.
Mind racing
Winning the prize
In and out of morality - - Immortality
Down, Down, Down
The language of love
Forgetting the time
Falling
Down, Down, Down.
Laff-ter
It haunts my fears
Meaning of life.
A pen
The wall
You are the seen
Fum-ill-yer
In and out of morality - - Immortality
My choices
Yes, Yes, Yes.
My fears
Down, Down, Down.
July, October, March
Down... Down... Down...
Back up
too far
slow down
She remembers me?
I know.
The paradox
The letter grades
In and Out
Out and In
Morality - - Immortality
Hold my gaze
Hold these thoughts
Hold on
Hold on
Hold on
Microscopic thoughts
Jeffery?
--I remember
Down, Down, Down.
Hold my hand.
In and Out
Out and In
- - Coming to an end
Of Morality - - Immortality.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Happy Birthday Kyleah Marie
In my gym class today I got a text from My Ashley friend. She was in labor. All afternoon I thought of her and the baby and wondering... girl or boy? What's it's name? Weight? Hair color?
Kyleah Marie Johnston
She was born today to Ashley Ashe and "Fred" Johnston. Little baby girl. 7lbs 9oz. Dark hair... It's amazing how this little person I haven't even met yet turned my day around completely. She has what will most assuredly be one of the best mothers on earth. This child is in for a ride. I can't wait to meet her and I wish more than anything that I could be down there in Tennessee to help welcome her into the world.
Congratulations ASHLEY!!!! I love you to death and I'm so very proud of you.
Happy Birthday Kyleah!! I can't wait to meet you!
Kyleah Marie Johnston
She was born today to Ashley Ashe and "Fred" Johnston. Little baby girl. 7lbs 9oz. Dark hair... It's amazing how this little person I haven't even met yet turned my day around completely. She has what will most assuredly be one of the best mothers on earth. This child is in for a ride. I can't wait to meet her and I wish more than anything that I could be down there in Tennessee to help welcome her into the world.
Congratulations ASHLEY!!!! I love you to death and I'm so very proud of you.
Happy Birthday Kyleah!! I can't wait to meet you!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Adams
After last night I feel the need to write a blog dedicated to two of the nicest people I know. Adam an Adam Friend. I love these two so much. Last night as I was breaking down and crying... I text them both asking for help.. or just venting. Adam Friend called me and we talked for *checks phone* ... 01:02:21. I got off the phone with him, feeling slightly better... when I break down again about 30 minutes later I text Adam, He calls me *checks phone* ... 14 times. I pick up and we talk for *checks phone* ... 00:57:11. These two have heard me at my worst. Crying, breaking down, hating myself so deeply... All they had to say was, "You're worth it. You're amazing. You can make it." ... Encouragement... I appreciate it so much. I'm not saying they got through to me very much lol... But they love me. It helps. They're so different...
Adam Friend is 22
Adam is 16
Adam Friend is so southern...
Adam is an Alaskan boy
Adam Friend Can't speak English so good
Adam never spells anything wrong
Adam Friend knows everything about my past
Adam knows every detail about my current situations
Adam Friend is loud, outgoing and confident
Adam is quiet, shy and slightly insecure
The list could go on and on... I just find it amazing how these two people that reach my heart with the most ease are so opposite. They'll both take my side with anything I need... Even if I'm wrong! lol They know I need that.. They know I need them. I can tell either of them anything. I do. I'm just overwhelmed with gratitude towards the two of them. Last night was terrible... I've never felt quite like that before.
Adam Friend-
You said last night, "I want to make an impact on someones life. I want to change something for the better." Whenever you read this know, you've changed me for the better. Time and time again you've been there for me like that. You've let me help you... You spent a good 30 minutes last night just talking at me telling me everything you loved about me and everything you remember from our friendship. I wouldn't trade a bit of it for the world. You've kept me alive and sane. You've talked sense into me and you've supported me after I've made mistakes. Recently you backed out on me... I can't say I blame you. But you came back when I called for you and that means the world to me. I love you with anything I have left... You've made an impact. You've changed my world.
Adam-
You surprise me. I never expected you to be the way you are. You're relentless that's for sure... Nothing I could do or say could make you think any less of me. When Adam Friend backed out on me you were there. Not BECAUSE he backed out, just... because you wanted to help. Your voice is one of the most calming things I've ever heard and when I'm crying I want you there just talking and understanding me. You're an amazing person and it drives me crazy that more people don't see you the way I do.
Basically I love you both. You saved me from something last night. I don't know what I would do without either of you. I try not to need people... But I love needing you two. Honestly, I really do. Thank you both. I feel a little stupid writing some of this... But I want anyone who reads my blog to know how much I adore everything you two do for me.. Everything you said last night and all the support you give me when I ask. I couldn't ask for more from either of you.
Adam Friend is 22
Adam is 16
Adam Friend is so southern...
Adam is an Alaskan boy
Adam Friend Can't speak English so good
Adam never spells anything wrong
Adam Friend knows everything about my past
Adam knows every detail about my current situations
Adam Friend is loud, outgoing and confident
Adam is quiet, shy and slightly insecure
The list could go on and on... I just find it amazing how these two people that reach my heart with the most ease are so opposite. They'll both take my side with anything I need... Even if I'm wrong! lol They know I need that.. They know I need them. I can tell either of them anything. I do. I'm just overwhelmed with gratitude towards the two of them. Last night was terrible... I've never felt quite like that before.
Adam Friend-
You said last night, "I want to make an impact on someones life. I want to change something for the better." Whenever you read this know, you've changed me for the better. Time and time again you've been there for me like that. You've let me help you... You spent a good 30 minutes last night just talking at me telling me everything you loved about me and everything you remember from our friendship. I wouldn't trade a bit of it for the world. You've kept me alive and sane. You've talked sense into me and you've supported me after I've made mistakes. Recently you backed out on me... I can't say I blame you. But you came back when I called for you and that means the world to me. I love you with anything I have left... You've made an impact. You've changed my world.
Adam-
You surprise me. I never expected you to be the way you are. You're relentless that's for sure... Nothing I could do or say could make you think any less of me. When Adam Friend backed out on me you were there. Not BECAUSE he backed out, just... because you wanted to help. Your voice is one of the most calming things I've ever heard and when I'm crying I want you there just talking and understanding me. You're an amazing person and it drives me crazy that more people don't see you the way I do.
Basically I love you both. You saved me from something last night. I don't know what I would do without either of you. I try not to need people... But I love needing you two. Honestly, I really do. Thank you both. I feel a little stupid writing some of this... But I want anyone who reads my blog to know how much I adore everything you two do for me.. Everything you said last night and all the support you give me when I ask. I couldn't ask for more from either of you.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
You can run....
I used to just fight everything. Argue every situation to death... Anymore I just drop it and run. I don't fight for anything. Not even friendships. There's some I really do just want gone. Then there's some I wish were closer.. but when they start drifting I push them away and run the opposite direction. I don't really know why this is. I run from everything. I don't know if I'm running from something or towards something... I don't know what I'm running from... Or to... I can run but i can't hide. If someone thinks they can explain myself to me I would very much appreciate it. Throw some ideas at me.
Next Time
Next time I'll be tan I think... I'll be tan with green eyes and long hair. Yes... I'll keep my butt I like that. I guess the rest of me is fine... Maybe I'll be taller.
Next time I'll live in Colorado. I'll grow up there and love winter for the snow.. and love summer for the sun and length. I'll love the outdoors take lots of walks.
Next time I'll have 3 close friends. we'll ALL get along.. most of the time. They'll all be chicks too! I'll have 3 best girl friends.
Next time I'll have a perfect boy. He'll be semi-attractive. Pretty eyes of course.. He'll be smart and a little awkward =P We'll get along well... not be TOO serious about our relationship and we'll understand each other.. or.. at least try.
Next time I'll be stronger. I'll stand up for myself when I need to and I'll know how to say no. I'll look after myself and actually care what happens to me. I won't let anyone have more control over me than I have. I'll like myself. Not too much... but.. some. I'll love my friends and be supportive. I'll keep my loyalty and humor.. I kind of like those. I'll keep my social skills for the most part. Maybe I'll be less weird... next time I won't need medication to be happy. I won't do drugs... often. I won't be great in school but I won't fail things! Next time I'll know how to be happy. I'll love my family and be rational maybe. Next time will be good...
Or... Maybe I'll start being rational now...
I'll never love my family.
I'll never get good grades.
I'll always have problems with friends.
I'll always be insecure.
I'll need my meds for a while I think...
I'm not tan. my skin sucks. Duh.
My eyes are blue.
My hair doesn't grow.
I'll never get away from guy friends. I love them!
I'll meet my guy... someday. No time soon.
I'll always be a little weird.
I'll never completely quit smoking.
I'll never be a princess.
Next time I'll live in Colorado. I'll grow up there and love winter for the snow.. and love summer for the sun and length. I'll love the outdoors take lots of walks.
Next time I'll have 3 close friends. we'll ALL get along.. most of the time. They'll all be chicks too! I'll have 3 best girl friends.
Next time I'll have a perfect boy. He'll be semi-attractive. Pretty eyes of course.. He'll be smart and a little awkward =P We'll get along well... not be TOO serious about our relationship and we'll understand each other.. or.. at least try.
Next time I'll be stronger. I'll stand up for myself when I need to and I'll know how to say no. I'll look after myself and actually care what happens to me. I won't let anyone have more control over me than I have. I'll like myself. Not too much... but.. some. I'll love my friends and be supportive. I'll keep my loyalty and humor.. I kind of like those. I'll keep my social skills for the most part. Maybe I'll be less weird... next time I won't need medication to be happy. I won't do drugs... often. I won't be great in school but I won't fail things! Next time I'll know how to be happy. I'll love my family and be rational maybe. Next time will be good...
Or... Maybe I'll start being rational now...
I'll never love my family.
I'll never get good grades.
I'll always have problems with friends.
I'll always be insecure.
I'll need my meds for a while I think...
I'm not tan. my skin sucks. Duh.
My eyes are blue.
My hair doesn't grow.
I'll never get away from guy friends. I love them!
I'll meet my guy... someday. No time soon.
I'll always be a little weird.
I'll never completely quit smoking.
I'll never be a princess.
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