Dreams

I remember a time when I felt so much passion for life that I could barely contain it. I remember contemplating the vast possibilities that lay before me at a very young age. I had dreams once. It's hard to remember now but I can vaguely recall wanting to be older, wanting to be doing these great things I knew I would one day do. A little bit of life happened, and a moment later, all I wanted was to be happy. The more I lost, the less I wanted. I lost sight of the things I wanted after I lost what I needed. When someone asks me what I want from life I respond modestly; "I want to be happy. I want to be healthy. I want enough money to live comfortably. I want love." Why have I let my necessities become my goals? Living a comfortable life isn't a dream. It's something I should simply refuse to live without. But after I have everything I need in place, what do I work for? Some people are lucky. Some people have dreams. I forgot how to dream a long time ago. What's the point of a person with no dreams?

Game Over

I'm having a REALLY hard time not posting about how hurtful you're being.
I'm having a really hard time not posting about how it makes absolutely no sense.
I'm having a really hard time understanding how your brain could possibly be working right now.
I'm having a really hard time staying angry at you.
I'm having a really hard time understanding how I deserve to be used as your punching bag.
I'm having a really hard time letting it all go.

But if that's what you want, I can try. Six years of friendship isn't something I want to lose over literally nothing. But if that's what you've decided to do, okay. I'm getting really good at goodbyes. Just know I'm not mad at you, I didn't do anything to betray your trust and you've broken my heart. And no, I don't expect you to care about any of that. You've made it clear that you're not going to. I just thought I'd give you some of the honesty you've kept from me. I don't want to play these games anymore. So fine, you win.

Finished

Surrounded in my bubbly, warm happy place, I expected to feel more comforted. I haven't had the accommodations to relax and take a bubble bath in nearly a year. This is where I always went when I felt negative emotions. Sadness, stress, frustration. Somehow now it is not the same. I have enough bubbles. I have my book, my wine, a friend to text and confide in. But here I am, lifting my leg up, watching the small avalanche of bubbles slowly make it's way back into the water. Submerging my face, concentrating on exhaling; a steady flow of evenly sized bubbles. This used to calm me down. But now, in this soggy, wet atmosphere, I'm not sure where condensation ends and tears begin.


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Location:W Sophia St,Carson City,United States