It's great. I mean even if we don't talk for long periods of time I still always felt you were a burden upon me. Now, now I feel free. I don't know why. Maybe because I finally told you exactly how I feel... maybe. Who knows. It's great yo be able to get a text from you and just delete it. Who knows what it said... who cares? lol I don't. You're going to tell everyone everything you can. You're going to try and hurt me and ruin things for me.. I'm sure of it. You'll say "well I wasn't going to but in your blog you said so so I did!" Or you'll justify it some way like that I dunno. Thing is you can't reach me. I guess I don't care if you ever understand that... I'm becoming happy. I really am, and no thanks to you.. it's all gotten better since you left. Since you stopped guilting me into things. Since you stopped making me feel like a bad person. Since you stopped complaining at me. I've improved. I've grown. You probably don't agree. But what do you know? lol What did you ever know?? You never did anything but hold me back or hurt me. Guess who has control over my life now? Me. You "wanted to make me happy." and wanted to "help." well then it should put a smile on your face to hear that I'm good. I'm sorry for the drama. I'm sorry for bringing this all up. I'm sorry you couldn't handle my first texts. I was being nice until you responded. By now you should know I'm fine until I'm provoked.
This is me apologizing to you for anything you ever thought I did to hurt you. This is me apologizing for accidentally hurting you whenever that may have happened. This is me... apologizing for not being honest with you all of the time.
This is me apologizing to myself for letting so much happen. This is me apologizing for treating myself like crap. This is me, setting myself free.
You probably won't even read this. I know sometimes you do. And after the "conversation" we just had you're probably looking for ways to hurt me. Like you think I do. *sigh* ... We could have been great. When our friendship was good it was amazing. But it's not worth it you know? In the long run we've always hurt each other more than we've helped. I've never been enough for you. And You've always intimidated me too much. I've grown from you that's for sure... I hope you've learned something from me. You can be mad at me. not that you need my permission but here it is... Why be angry though? What will that solve for you? It never got me anywhere. I kinda feel bad now because you're probably all mad... I just don't have the temper I used to have. I don't have the ability to be that angry. You told my secrets to the world, you lied to me... It just makes you slowly erase from my heart. Not worth any of the effort I put into you, because you've always been the same to me. Nice to my face, gossiping behind my back. Telling my secrets. Breaking your promises. It won't surprise me when you do the same thing this time. Whatever... It doesn't matter. I wasted my time writing this probably. I could post a blog confessing my undying love to you and you'd find a way to interpret that as "fuck you i hope you die" lol... Oy... Later homie. I'm sure this isn't done.. but I want it to be. I'm sure you do to. So.. we're done. I'm happy, and you... won? lol I dunno. Peace.
Emily is slowly moving forward.
Slowly: My favorite speed.
Forward: My favorite direction.
I'm in a good place.
good for you, babe. :)
ReplyDeletethats fantastic! i'm so proud!
ReplyDelete