What is it about him,

that makes me care so much? Evey idea, every opinion, every word is important. The fewer the words the more important. It all effects the way I think and I just don't know why. I want to never lose contact with him. But at the exact same time I want to disappear from his life. I don't know why. It's not admiration, lust, jealousy or spite. Makes me want to be a better person. Makes me want to go back and erase all the mistakes. Makes me want to fall apart. Lose myself. I want to say, "See! You didn't fallow me! You didn't care! I knew it!" ... But I don't know that. I know that wouldn't happen and I love him for that. But I want it to happen anyway. I want to find a flaw in the pristine being he is. I want to be friends with him because he's so perfect. And I don't know why. I'm not crazy, I know it's unjustifiable. I know it's ridiculous. I know I have no reason to feel any of it. But I do. and I don't know why. I've only acted on this once. And it was stupid. I felt like an idiot. So now they're just thoughts in my head. Nothing more. But if I were him I would want to know. But he wouldn't... How about you? Would you want to know? Please answer.