For Now

It's weird feeling like I have control over my life. But suddenly, that's how I feel. I don't know what did it but finally things fell into place. Finally.

I'm not going to collage next year. I've decided on that much. I don't have the money yet. I don't have the ambition at the moment and I feel the need to do a little more living. That being settled I feel better in general.

Christian and I are talking again. I don't know what will happen with that if anything at all and I don't much care. I'm just glad to be talking to him again. I'm slowly getting my answers and it's such an incredible freedom. I feel lighter. The world is a little brighter. I'm healing.

Adam and I aren't really talking. Who knows why. He'll probably show up with a "broken cell phone" story again but, eh... whatever. I know he cares about me. Someday he'll remember and for now I don't need him so I'm not gonna make a big deal! I don't hurt from him.

Egan and I don't talk. And it's okay. Whatever that was with us is over and I don't think about it much and he moved on with his life. Sure, I hear it still sucks but it's not my fault anymore which has got to be nice for the both of us. I don't hurt from him.

My friendships are currently in a good place. I'm not fighting with anyone at all. I'm not being smothered and I don't think I'm smothering. I'm getting closer to some people and drifting from others and it's all okay.

Right now I just feel in control. Come tomorrow who knows how I'll feel. I have my days. I'll feel totally pulled together and in control then I'll wake up the next morning and fall apart. I just need to get out of high school I'm sure. In the very recent past I've felt depressed every day. All day every day but now, it comes and goes. I notice the lows more because I have something to compare it to. But the highs are amazing. It's so nice to live. I had SO many people walk out of my life because I was depressing. Well suck my nonexistent dick world! I'm happy!! Fuck all of you who couldn't wait that long for me to get better. Looks like I don't need you after all =)