Tonight I am myself again

I can't write. I can't talk. I can't explain myself or express my emotions like I once could. I feel so full of words and feeling but the ONLY way for me to get them out is crying, screaming, laughing... I cry, and it makes me feel better. I scream and I release the pain. I laugh because I need to. I have nothing else but these pitiful actions to express my emotion to the world outside this body. I feel like I used to. I feel different tonight than I felt last night. Really, yes I feel different every night but tonight... tonight I feel my past. My past... I'm 18. What past? You want to know what past?? *sigh* ... It hurts me. I hate it. My thoughts keep getting less and less profound. I used to have a way with words. Someone, read my mind. Someone hear my screams. For Christ sake I'm screaming so you'll hear me! I'm crying so you'll hold me! I laugh so you'll love me. I feel so trapped. I feel to confined. Useless. Unwanted. Insignificant. Forgettable. I feel like myself tonight. I feel it more... Me is an emotion. Living life doesn't make me me. It's this emotion! This need for expression! This inability to relate. I can't make you understand me. I can't make you hear me. Someone... read my mind?