It really is a battle...

I was in a good mood today. I mean.. I got plenty of sleep… had fun in all my classes. Skipped math with Allyson, got coffee, had fun with Lavina and Hannah after school. Had a decent time at dance, got an awesome surprise text… don’t even have homework. So.. I’m in a good mood right? Well I told myself today I’d be happy. And I was but it’s like catching smoke. Happiness just slips through my grasp. I don’t even have much to be terribly depressed over right now. I’m not heartbroken from Christian anymore, I don’t care about Garrett, school’s easy, I’m enjoying work, dance is… well it’s decent. I’m less miserable than I’ve been in the past year but I’m just not happy. I can’t be happy. Life goes well and I have to struggle to not fall into this stupor… It’s like my fall back plan. If I don’t know what emotion to feel go to sadness because I’m used to dealing with it. ??? I really don’t know. I’m just sick of being unhappy. Everyone say, “Create your own happiness.” I try, and I can’t. I can decide to be in a good mood… but it doesn’t work. I just slip back to where I started. Not depression, just… this low feeling. I can laugh and appreciate life and the people around me. I just don’t feel how I should. I don’t know what to do. Or if there’s even anything I can do. Not entirely sure why I wrote this.. But, here it is.