Confined

Immobile… my life.. There’s no where for me to go at all. It seems like lately all I can do is let things happen. Nothing I do changes anything. I don’t try to do much I guess.. I don’t care enough.. I wish I had something to care about. I don’t care about dance anymore. It’s pointless. Waste of my time. I’ve never cared much about school.. I don’t have an super meaningful relationships right now. Okay.. A few but they’re not going anywhere new. I just.. I feel like the less goes on in my life the more satisfied I am. But I get no satisfaction from nothing. I get… nothing. I am nothing. I don’t matter. I don’t inspire anyone. I don’t make anyone angry. I just.. Am. Thrown in among the busy lives of others as a decoration or hurtle. But never anything too critical. Even when i try to make an impact I feel trapped within my emotional limits.. I realize most of my life’s situation is my own creation. I wanted to detach myself. It worked. Just how I wanted it to. I fell… of course. This time.. No one backed out of my life because of it. Why? Where would anyone go? No one’s close enough to feel the need to drift away. I love it. I think I’d be happy if I was completely alone by choice. Either that or if I actually had a stable emotional connection with someone. Maybe a few someones. But no. I’m just here… Doing god knows what for god knows why and confused as hell about it. I wish I actually cared more. That’s the only thing that REALLY bothers me. I stopped caring as much. I react a lot of the times out of habit, not out of passion. What passion? I feel it from time to time. There’s a few friends who spark it in me. I feel emotion towards them and I soak it in. Any hint of emotion or feeling… Give me something to fight for. Give me something to love. Give me a reason to care. Something… Anything at all. I miss loving.