Go Figure

I'm happy. Not completely... not ALL the time. But part of my happiness comes with realizing I don't need a perfect life to experience happiness. I knew it all along, but it's never been an option. I'm constantly on the brink of writing a new poem, "Ode To Antidepressants." I wasn't sure what they would do really. I've tried the illegal type drugs that make me happy. And I sure as hell wasn't expecting them to work like that. So I really had no idea. Basically I feel less weighed down. Before if things weren't going well I literally felt heavier. Like I really was carrying the world on my shoulders. Now I feel more like my picture! lol holding the world up, and doing just fine. Of course the pills do cause some problems... When things go wrong I have a hard time knowing how to react. I have my instinct reaction... which contradicts directly with how I actually feel.. It's weird. But apart from little things like that.. I'm happy. It's been a long time. And it feels good. A have some friends who don't think the pills are a good idea. "fake happiness" It's not fake... The pills I'm on simply help my brain transmit emotion better than it used to. The potential for happiness was always there but my body wasn't letting me feel it. I feel it now, and it's amazing to enjoy life sometimes. Thing aren't perfect, not even close... But I'm okay with it. The big parts of my life = School, Dance, Work, Caitlin, Lavina, Chai Tea. I love them all! <3

P.S. This blog is horribly formatted. Sorry. lol