Just rambling, I promise. lol

I've tried to explain this countless times on this blog... The me, not connecting to myself thing. I think the thing I have a problem with is that I used to define who I was with who and how I loved. These days, I love less. I love a lot of people still.. Ashleigh, Ashley, Keenan, Adam 1, Adam 2, Lavina, Laura, Marc, Sam 1, Sam 2, Joe, Hannah... But I never see them. Ashleigh is busy with Adam 3 and school. Ashley lives in Tennessee and has a baby and a husband. Adam 1 is in another state. Adam 2 I never see. Lavina is hard to reach. Laura, Sam1 and Sam 2 are all busy with work and school. Marc lives in Canada. Joe lives in New Hampshire. Hannah is busy with school and boyfriend. Keenan is my best friend. But a person needs more than one friend. I love all those people but I have to keep my love at a distance or it bothers me that I never see them or in some cases that I don't receive the love back. Without being close to people I have a hard time being close to me. I love my life. But I don't feel connected with it exactly. Hopefully this is the last time I try to explain this... lol. It never works. Maybe this is me saying to anyone who reads this blog, "Hey, I miss you. I love you." If I were smart I could become closer to the ones I actually see... But that leaves my coworkers and Keenan's family.. lol. I really like the people I work with. Jake is hilarious. Taylor's adorable and fun to chat with. Bobbi's my boss.. lol. And David hovers between amusing, fun and hurtful. But I don't hang out with any of them outside work. Apart from one party at least. My "roommates" Allyson and Caitlin and I used to be friends. Best friends in fact. But they live a life I'm not interested in living. And it's hard to connect with people who can't see eye to eye with. And people who don't really care if you're friends or not. I often wish I would just randomly meet someone. A costumer maybe. Someone in the mall.. a friends friend.. and we'd talk, text, hang out, and just talk all the time. They'd care about what I had to say. They'd open up and tell me about their life. And *POOF* Best friend. But it doesn't usually happen like that. More than that scenario... I'd love an old friend to text me with a, "Hey, I miss you. Lets hang out." And things would work their way back to a close friend mode. I just feel a little empty.. Not much, but a little. I'm happy. But I know I could be better.