Out Of Time

All last night I felt it. Loss. I’ve only ever felt this way losing people. But this feels the same. It’s coming in waves. At practice Lavina and I kept saying, “Remember that!” when cool things happened. Cherishing our last official practice. Derek sitting down and pushing the balance bean from behind us. Carley and Shaunessy being crazy. Me and Mikey dancing on the side to Hustle… Chris in the hustle costume! … I feel like I should have recorded it all. I know I never wasted a second… I want more time. I’m not done… All my life people and things leave me… Finally something stays in place and I’m forced to leave. I put everything into that team. Freshman year when I joined and I finally felt like I belonged somewhere. I finally felt accepted and loved in a group. Sophomore year when I met Christian during rumba choreography. Got kicked off for grades… But even then, I could come back. Junior year, pretty much all I remember about that year was dance. Competitions. Medley to Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream-Coat. Utah… Anchorage trips… This whole years drama… I need the team. What else do I have? I lost my circle of friends for the most part. I depend on them for company. I use dance as my one constant in life. The thing I can for sure count on no matter what. I wasn’t sure I still had a functioning heart, until I felt it break as I drove away from the Ryan Parking lot.