I don't have the courage to send this directly to him. It's less nerve racking to just leave it to chance that he might read this randomly.
Dear Adam,
Where are you? What happened with us? I can't actually decide whose fault it is that we don't talk anymore. I know how it started. I messed up. But I messed up me! It had nothing to do with you. But yes, I messed up. I can understand your frustration but... what ever happened to always being there for me? I don't even know what's been going on with you... Apart from the obvious issues of space and time(and phone phobias...) I just don't feel like I'm allowed to talk to you anymore. I get the vibe you WANT this. ... Adam I miss you. Sometimes when I'm having a breakdown and crying all over myself I consider calling you, texting you... But I don't. I won't. You were my best friend. You knew everything. Now you know absolutely nothing! And it feels weird to call you friend. Show me a sign. Give me a hint. I'm drowning. You've made it onto my list of every other guy in my life. You gave up... at least, I think you did. I have to tell you, I gave up on you right back. It feels horrible.
your blog made me cry out loud, got everybody in class looking at me like im a werido. but you know what, FUCK them. they couldent even fathum the feelings i have for you.)
ReplyDeleteDear Emily,
I LOVE YOU...
as you know im really carefull who i say those few words too...
and after "you know who" iv become Down right Stingie with them.
what do those words mean to me?
I LOVE YOU =
1. YOU have become one of the EXTREAMLY few people i deeply care about
2. YOU have become one person id give my life for WITHOUT QUESTION anytime, anywhare.
3. You have become one person that can hurt me. nobody else can emotionaly touch me.
the list gos on.. you should know some of the things...
but there i go again..
when we talk I LOVE IT EVERY TIME. but somewhare i went from lisening and talking to Tryiing to fix you.
i realized then that i couldent do that. EVER. i couldnt do that and be a good freind at the same time.....
I WANT THIS TO GO AWAY.. this wall between us..
lets act like Demolition artists and blow it away..
but its going to take WORK from both of us..
first, CALL ME when you need/want to talk or even if your just board
text me.. ALL THE TIME.. i will in turn CALL YOU for the same resons.
because i acted all strong becasue i thought it would help you be strong.
i dont like how guys/girls treat you and if i was there I'D just hug you and play poo sticks and run from drunks on the boardwalk. maybe even by Dr. pepper just to give the that one guy.
but im not there and im not sure when im comeing back. so i was not sure how to help when im so programed to help whit being there...
IM SORRY.
sorry for not calling when i needed you
sorry for not makeing you confordable enough to call me
I LOVE AND MISS YOU
i miss your touch, your hugs your eyes your laugh your legs your body your personality your Soul.
I LOVE YOU.
Please call me. im going to call you after i get out of class
Secound time writeing this.. page froze. Errr