Everyone Deserves Explanations

I can't seem to get my thoughts around the right words to explain how I feel towards you. I was trying to help... I knew it was a bad idea.. but I didn't want you hurt. Somehow me doing that ended in me being the one who doesn't care and can't be trusted. ... I'm at a loss... You said you decided to ignore it.. forget about it or something.. Oh good, my risk at my own expense ends up only changing things between you and I. I know you'll say it's only changing because I'm making it. Well... I need it to change. You asked if we could just be friends... Hasn't that been the problem question for years? Lately things have changed... I know it's not the same for you. But my emotions changed a lot because of it. Okay, I'm jealous. Happy? Again, I bet this whole thing is all my fault in one way or another. Have you ever noticed that NOTHING is ever your fault?? *Sigh* ... You said you could have used me today. Well how about all those days when you really could have if you wanted to and didn't. It only ever seems to be when we're fighting that you suddenly need me. ... I'm not feeling guilty about it anymore. I refuse. You say you COULD have used me. ... I miss being needed. And I'm tired of being used. I wish you could see it from my point of view. But you won't... Yes it hurts me. Happy? Yes, I was up all night crying. Happy? Yes, I care about you. Happy? Yes, You have the power to control my emotions and make me feel however bad you feel I should feel... Happy? .... You used to help me. Then you just stopped. You just gave up thinking of me like that. You've always hurt me. But in the past there was a reason to look beyond it. What about now? ... What do I have to help me look past the hurt? I'm having problems and you know that... even though you know it you won't give me a break... you won't give me some slack.. or some help.. It's not always about you. And right now I can't stand it being about you anymore. ... This is where my decision comes from.. I am sorry. You may not believe me but I'm sorry.