... part of your world.
I watched The Little Mermaid last night. At the end of the movie I cried for about half an hour.
It just isn't fair. Her lover boy risks his life for her, saves her(and everyone else) and in the end she gets to be with him because her father loves her just that much. Happily ever after.
My family hates me and I lost my prince!
I always think I'm over it. It never seems real until it hits me that hard. How, HOW can I STILL curl up in a little ball and scream and cry and feel complete and total agony... because he's gone? I dig deep inside my heart and find a hole. An empty space. I have to ask myself what was even there to begin with?! A pretty face... A compassionate romance... A caring soul... A detached person... A secretive being... A shy and timid child... A liar... I cheater... A coward. ... My Prince? Ugh I try again and again to convince myself he's not worth hurting over. It doesn't work I gave him everything I had. I promised love... forever. A word to the wise never feel any emotion with ALL your heart. When it leaves you're left with nothing. I'm still pulling myself back together. I'm still suffering and hurting. There's no possible way to explain it. Every time I hear our song I have to tear my mind away from thoughts of him. Late at night when I'm feeling lonely and have no one to talk to I think of him.. and I cry. I see him walking up those stairs at the airport... I see him waking up to the kiss I gave him... I see him holding me in his arms and telling me how much he loves me... And I see myself, alone, tortured and forgotten. It's been a year and a half since I last saw him! Why can't I forget??! Why can't I move on!!? Why won't it stop hurting!!?! I'm sick of it! I'm sick of him!! Anything before him doesn't matter. And, neither does anything in the future. Because he's not in it... I have no reason to still love him. He'd think I'm a horrible fool if he knew how I felt. He doesn't love me. He doesn't like me, think about me or care what the fuck happens to me! He's moved on. It doesn't hurt him. ...I always knew he was a super hero. We used to say we both were... Super heroes don't fall apart like I have.
I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you’re gone and I’m haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Do I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I’m trying not to think about you
Can’t you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should’ve known you’d bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
I haven't forgotten anything about him... Anything at all. My mind won't let me. Someone find me a new prince. I feel like Sleeping beauty.. I'm trapped. Immobile until my Prince comes and releases me from my spell. It sounds SO dumb to say this stuff.. I'm 18!!! But hey... I found love. I lost love. I'll never be a Disney Princess. I'll never be that happy. *sigh* I want to get away. I want someone to take me away. I've been struggling through this pain alone for too long.. I want love. I miss love. Yes, thank you Lavina I know I have a bouquet of freaks to pick from. And yes, thank you Chris, believe it or not I HAVE noticed I'm the only one who hasn't been in a relationship this year. ... I don't think people realize how unbearable my life is to me. I hate it. I hate everything about it. I feel empty and lonely. I feel useless and unimportant. But.. I am strong. I will make it one way or another. I just wish I had some help. I wish I had a Flounder to swing through life with... A cheery tea set to sing to me and give me advice... A guardian dragon to make things fun and give me motivation. ...Stupid Disney. I'm alone. I lost my prince. I don't have those companions. I'm Bell before the beast. I'm Cinderella before the fairy god mother(and without the mice I guess). I'm Aurora, trapped in the woods, living as a peasant girl. But hey.. I can dream right? What else do I have?
A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you're fast asleep
In dreams you lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling through
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep believing
the dream that you wish will come true
Where can I turn for peace?
ReplyDeleteWhere is my solace when other sources cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger or malice, I draw myself apart, searching my soul?
Where when my aching grows?
Where when I languish, where in my need to know where can I turn?
Where is the quiet hand, to calm my anguish?
who who can understand? He only one.
He answers privately, reaches my reaching in my Gethsemane Saviour and friend. Gentle the peace he finds, for my beseeching. Constant he is and kind, love with out end.
umm... if you're casting roles... i'll audition for Flounder! I can handle being a compasionate goofy little fish afraid of everything and only able to whip up some courage when Ariel needs help... lol just sayin... i'd LOVE being the comic relief! lol
ReplyDelete