My best friends:
Lavina
Caitlin
Adam 1
Adam 2
Allyson
Hannah
I realized how sad my closest friendships are.
Lavina- Today she pointed out how her and I are only ever around each other when we have to be. It's totally true.
Caitlin- Kinda stopped talking to me so much. Like.. we're still friends but not like it was. And she never tells me anything about her relationships. At all.
Adam 1- Haven't seen in like 6 months. Doesn't talk to me unless I talk to him first. We only text like twice a week for about 10 minutes.
Adam 2- We wouldn't be friends at all if either of us didn't have texting.
Allyson- Pretty much lost all contact. Until her boyfriend and her broke up. Now we're friends again... I should be upset, but mostly I'm just happy to help.
Hannah- We've never hung out outside of school. And I don't know if she even considers me a close friend.
What ever happened to depth? Love? ... Emotion?
*sigh* I think I like being lonely. (no sarcasm) I've just come to realize that I've distanced myself... mostly by myself. I know why. But... When will it stop?
Emily, this isolation is going to stop when you want it to stop...
ReplyDeletewhen you see the world in a diffrent light...
sadly, thats as far as i know, ive not seen that light yet, but when i find something i'll let you know
/hugs
i think alot of us are going through a time where we have to fight a little bit to keep our friendships and the ones that remain after this hard time are the ones that were worth fighting for.
ReplyDeleteand like i've said a couple times, i'm going to fight for you, because i love you and such. but fighting for people is not going to be easy and its going to hurt a little bit and theres gonig to be ups and downs.
its when we're all able to stand up and say we're strong enough to stop fighting and maintain a strong stable bond that we're going to feel better.
and like keegs said, its gong to stop when you want it to stop. and when you want it to stop you'll start fighing as hard as i am.
i love you!
It's always eye-opening to see someone make a list of their closest friends...and not put you on it. *shurg* we're all here for you, you know we are. Whether you think we are or not, we are. If you really think none of those people are 'close' to you anymore, than I have to say you really are imagining things. I haven't spoken to all of them about you recently but the few I have talked to love you and worry about you! So cheer up and come back to our world. We want you here.
ReplyDeleteJust as a reference to everyone that gets mad that they're not on this list... By close firends I pretty much mean the ppl I talk to most. There's some of you out there who I like as much or even more as some of the ppl on this list.. we're just not close.
ReplyDeletei feel like... like i understand. I also agree w keegan... i mean... i'm not in the most emotionsally secure position to be givin "non-hypocritical" advice... but i figure it's all a state of mind. in time you'll break through your wall... but you have to want it. you have to want it enough to let yourself be vulnerable again.
ReplyDelete